You know the feeling; you’re in the kitchen in the morning with someone you are sharing space with: your roommate, your mother, your best friend that you’re visiting. The morning’s only just started, and yet you can sense something is off. A story has been brewing.
You woke up to the sounds of water blasting from the kitchen faucet in high volume, nice and loud, even though it’s 6:45am and you’re meditating in the living room, where you sleep. But there’s something about the way that water is on high today, you can feel a bit of resentment already. You get up, go to the kitchen where your friend is, and notice only your dishes remain in the sink from the night before. So you clean them, and clean the kitchen counter from the remains of her smoothie-making, as a gesture to help melt whatever is bubbling within the person who, (like it or not), you either love or have at least chosen, (whether consciously or subconsciously), to be around in this moment.
A bit of gentle morning talk, and you can feel the tension in their voice.
And this brings us to: is this yours or theirs or both? What do we do when we realize we have either triggered or contributed to triggering someone?
To the first question, if you are like me, then you believe that everything in your holographic reality that you experience you have called in, (you have invited), in one way or another. You take full responsibility for what shows up in front of you.
So is it yours? The story above is a prototype. You cannot tell by the details whose what is. Every being is unique, every relationship has its own energies. So look closely, feel into it, and if you are the sort of person who is really willing to work through your stuff no matter how uncomfortable that may be, then trust what your intuition, (NOT your mind), tells you. The story will never matter at all. All that matters is what is coming up for you, as this shows you what is unresolved within you at the moment, or what needs nurturing and love. Focus only on that.
The story, the details, the projection are all just a vehicle to get you to that. Sometimes it’s just there to show you that this situation or relationship is no longer right for you, and that essence in and of itself is enough, and contains enough words. So listen closely and simply.
Through the process, feel into the truth that life is not about being right or wrong. If you’re getting hung up on that, you are looking in the wrong place. For as long as you need to be right, you will suffer. Quiet down and melt into your heart. Be forgiving and loving towards yourself, for it is from this gentle space that realize the truth… that it is always safe to look within.
Hopefully, when you do look inside, you will realize the aspect of you that is responsible for calling this into your reality. For me, it is the consequence of choosing to temporarily live with others who have a different flow than me. I’m often reclusive, quiet, not very social, like my personal space, and always… always follow my energy wherever that takes me, even if that means upstairs to read in the middle of a roommate’s party. This is my religion, always honoring what feels best to me without judging, analyzing, or questioning myself. That can be hard for others to see who are not able to do that just yet, or who are not able to always know exactly what they need.
We are mirrors to others, and we must be compassionate about that. What we see in the other is a reflection of our inner world, of what we wish we had, of what we wish we didn’t have, and so on. But it’s all inside of us, always, and when we come into deeper acceptance of that, and meet that with peace, life becomes a much easier and sweeter. The story begins to dissolve.
When you realize you have triggered someone, carefully feel into whether or not it needs to be addressed. Not EVERYTHING needs to be discussed. The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore, wrote Rumi. Sometimes the other just needs a bit of space to let the twinge dissolve, and many people know how to work that out on their own and know that they’re running a story that truly has nothing to do with you. So feel into it carefully. Be the gentleness and the softness that rests in the peace of your heart.
If you’re not able to do that and you’re triggered as well, then take your space. Don’t react. Don’t give your power away to the situation, which is an illusion you’re projecting to show you the web of your mind; which, upon seeing, you have the opportunity to melt. So take your space. Meditate, run, rock climb, go to yoga class… whatever your thing is. Take space from the story too: forget about it for a while if it feels unclear. And then, when you’re ready to, feel about it, don’t “think” about it.
It is simpler than it sounds: feel what emotions or frustrations it is bringing up for you: no one understands me, this makes me feel disconnected, no matter how hard I try this always happens, whatever it is. Be honest and go deep; it’s worth it… the deeper you go, the better chance you have of supporting this in resolving, so that eventually, (maybe today! if you’re ready), this pattern/feeling within you weakens to the point of dissolution. It doesn’t need to be intense for it to be “deep,” and if it is, that’s okay too. Just go there, and you’ll realize it’s much more liberating than you may have realized.
Once you’re clear, if the air between you and your friend hasn’t cleared still and you feel it is best to initiate a chat, then gently feel into the moment that feels supportive of that. Don’t rush, but also don’t be afraid as then you may miss the boat. So stay clear, stay centered in yourself and wait for that silent invitation to bring it up. If you stay in a space of love and non-judgment within yourself, your friend will feel that and the environment will be much more welcoming and safe. You don’t want to “fight” the other person, for the only person you can truly fight is yourself. (Meaning whenever you think you are fighting the other, you are really only hurting yourself and dealing with something you do not accept within yourself.)
When you share with the other, don’t focus on the details of the story. Tell him or her gently what *you* are feeling, what you are observing etc. Have no expectations about what he or she will say, and give them the freedom and respect to express what is true to them. Like it or not, there really is no “right” or “wrong.” Wherever your friend is in this moment is perfect for their life journey. Remember, people treat others as they treat themselves, so you are constantly getting glimpses into the other’s inner world. Have compassion, as many people are quite hard on themselves. When that translates as them being hard on you, realize deeply that it’s not personal, and have compassion that this is where they are with themselves. Hold your boundaries with gentleness and love, and know you are never obligated to accept any words from others that do not come from a space of love and clarity.
And accept that you may trigger others sometimes! That is okay. The other is seeing something within themselves that they resolve. If it gets to the point where your boundaries are being crossed, where you feel hurt etc, again, just look within yourself to see why you invited this particular expression/behavior and what you need to learn. The sooner you learn it, the sooner it dissolves. :)
Enjoy and love each other, and never ever forget: that always starts with loving yourself.
**What did I learn in this situation/moment?**
I attracted this moment and manifested this situation into my life to more deeply learn about compassion and timing. I intentionally chose to live with someone, (an amazing girl), whose harmony of life includes having many people around and many activities going on… energies that in some moments are distracting from what’s really going on inside. Being empathic and clairvoyant, I often see where others hold themselves back. And it can be hard for me to see where others aren’t being, or able to be, honest/brave/”ready” etc. with themselves, because I have a deep wish for everyone to be free now. (See that? because of ME, because of my wishes and inspiration…. not because of her.) The reflection shows itself to me through others time and time again because this is what my inspiration is, helping others realize their empowerment. It is my motivating force and these constant reflections fuel my soul’s journey.
The truth is that everything the other is doing is THEIR way to freedom, no matter if that’s heroin nightly or the hardest situation imaginable or staring at the sky all day long, (which is really quite lovely). That’s their right and it’s their soul journey. Freedom lies in the essence of everything, and it is precisely these moments, ~every present moment~, that pave the way & holds the keys to liberation for all.
Focus on you.
Love,
Tehya